The 9 Ways We Screw Up Our Toddlers

Bringing your new baby home is a whirlwind of emotions: joy, exhaustion, determination, and a healthy dose of “what have I gotten myself into?” While that newborn smell and those tiny fingers are intoxicating, the reality of raising a human being can be daunting. There’s no perfect guidebook, no magic formula, and certainly no license required. It’s easy to feel like you’re one wrong move away from messing it all up.

So, let’s start with a simple but crucial piece of advice: Don’t screw it up! Okay, maybe it’s not that simple. But if you’re reading this, you’re already on the right track. This article isn’t about judgment; it’s about having an honest, and hopefully humorous, look at the common pitfalls of toddler parenting and how to avoid them. We’ll explore those moments when you think, “Maybe I should feed them something green this week,” or cringe at the memory of a certain four-letter word slipping out. 🤫

This is for the toddler moms (and dads!) out there who are willing to think long-term. The habits we establish with our toddlers can have a ripple effect that extends far beyond the preschool years. Let’s dive in and see how we can avoid some common mistakes.

Getting Over Our Defenses: A Judgment-Free Zone 🙏

This isn’t a “how-to” guide filled with step-by-step instructions. Instead, it’s about identifying what not to do. Think of it as a soapbox moment, but with your best interests at heart. (For specific strategies, check out other resources, like Life with Toddler, Toddler ABC Guide to Discipline, and Tiger Tamer).

It’s natural to feel defensive when someone points out potential parenting flaws. Family members seem to have a particular knack for this! The knee-jerk reaction is often, “I’m not doing that!” Admitting fault can feel vulnerable, like running down the street naked. But let’s try to drop the defenses and approach this with a sense of humor.

The goal isn’t to wallow in guilt, but to identify areas where we can improve. By acknowledging our less-than-ideal approaches, we can take positive action. So, let’s put those beasts on the table, stare at them objectively, and figure out what we’re doing wrong.

“The never-ending guilt we feel as parents is a good thing. It keeps us in check. But we should keep our sense of humor.”

Idealistic Views: What Happened to My Perfect Child? 😩

Remember those early days? You had such high hopes! Babies are relatively simple: they cry, you feed them, you change them, and you keep them safe. But then they grow up, and things get complicated.

While some young adults are incredibly driven and successful, many others seem to lack motivation and struggle to launch into adulthood. They're sweet, but resistant to getting off the couch, pursuing an education, or moving out. What happened?

Often, the answer is simple: We enable our children and handicap their growth. We see it in schools, where parents demand coddling and schools often cave, ultimately hindering the child's learning and development.

Think about it: Today, a student who fails a test often gets multiple chances to make it up. Does the real world offer the same luxury? Not usually. By shielding our children from the consequences of failure, we inadvertently train them to fail.

Training Kids to Fail: The Unintended Consequences 😬

That's right, we might be training our kids to fail. By not allowing them to experience the sting of failure, we rob them of valuable learning opportunities. They don't learn how failure feels or the importance of motivation.

Furthermore, by showering them with rewards for minimal effort, we teach them to expect the world to roll over for them. This can lead to a rude awakening when they enter the workforce or try to navigate adult relationships.

Consider this:

• Excessive Rewards: Trophies for everyone! Kindergarten graduations with gowns and caps! These send the message that effort doesn't matter.
• Pathetic Punishments: Weak consequences teach children that they can get away with almost anything. A tap on the finger or a gentle "please don't do that" often isn't enough.

Consequences need to be meaningful enough to create a mental "ouch" and encourage them to think twice before repeating the behavior. Otherwise, they learn that the world revolves around them.

Over-indulgent Parenting? Never! (Or Maybe...) 🤔

It's hard to resist indulging our little ones, but giving in to their every whim can be detrimental. It sets a pattern of unhealthy behavior that can have long-term consequences.

Imagine a young adult whose mom still updates their resume and calls their manager after a poor performance review. It sounds extreme, but it happens!

While it's natural to praise our children, excessive encouragement can create a sense of entitlement and an inability to handle criticism. These kids may enter the workforce with unrealistic expectations and struggle to cope when told they've made a mistake.

"Coddling our children may seem so right and effective at the moment, but it turns ugly if we don’t set limits and let some failure occur."

One manager shared an anecdote about a young employee who, when asked to put in extra hours, responded with, "What's in it for me?" This highlights the disconnect between the coddled upbringing and the realities of the working world.

Let's break the cycle! Identify how you might be enabling your children and take steps to avoid causing them future struggles.

9 Ways We Might Be Screwing Up Our Toddlers (And How to Avoid It!)

Here are nine common pitfalls to watch out for:

1. Over-Praising: Constant praise, even for minimal effort, can lead to a sense of entitlement.
   • Instead, offer specific and genuine praise for effort and improvement.
2. Shielding from Consequences: Not allowing children to experience the natural consequences of their actions.
   • Instead, let them learn from their mistakes, within safe and reasonable boundaries.
3. Giving in to Tantrums: Rewarding bad behavior by giving in to demands during tantrums.
   • Instead, remain calm, set clear boundaries, and don't give in.
4. Doing Too Much for Them: Over-helping with tasks they are capable of doing themselves.
   • Instead, encourage independence and allow them to struggle (and succeed!) on their own.
5. Avoiding Discipline: Being inconsistent with rules and boundaries.
   • Instead, establish clear and consistent rules and enforce them fairly.
6. Over-Scheduling: Filling their lives with too many activities, leaving little time for free play and relaxation.
   • Instead, prioritize unstructured playtime and downtime.
7. Ignoring Their Feelings: Dismissing or invalidating their emotions.
   • Instead, acknowledge and validate their feelings, even if you don't agree with their behavior.
8. Comparing Them to Others: Comparing their achievements or abilities to those of other children.
   • Instead, focus on their strengths and progress.
9. Not Modeling Good Behavior: Failing to demonstrate the behaviors you want them to adopt.
   • Instead, lead by example and model respectful, responsible behavior.

For Toddler Parents and Beyond: It's Never Too Late! 🚀

While this article is geared towards toddler parents, the principles apply to children of all ages. Even if your kids are older, it's never too late to make positive changes.

It may take effort to shift established patterns, but it's possible to stop teaching your kids to be immature and helpless. Remember, these are great kids! But they need our guidance to develop into responsible, independent adults.

We all want to protect our children and make their lives easier. But sometimes, in our efforts to cushion them from the world, we inadvertently set them up for failure.

Let's strive to raise children who are not only sweet but also capable, resilient, and ready to face the challenges of the world.

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Consider also reading about how to prepare the mind for hypnobirthing and what are the four hypnobirthing techniques. Pregnancy can be a surprise! See 10 things that surprise you about being pregnant. Learn more about what is hypnobirthing at MomsFeeling!