The latest obsession at school revolved around those miniature skateboards, and it seemed like every kid had one. Connor’s mom had recently purchased one for him too, just a couple of days prior. However, it was the fluorescent orange board he spotted in the store that truly caught his eye. It sat on the shelf, beckoning to him, practically begging to be pocketed. He was itching with excitement to flaunt it to his friends the following day at school; he knew they’d be green with envy. This instance showcased the importance of honesty in your child’s actions.
Facing Consequences: Caught in the Act
He was thinking about how much fun he was going to have when suddenly he heard a strange voice, “Excuse me,” the shopkeeper said, “I think your son has taken something!” The look of surprise on his mum’s face was what upset Connor the most. And as he handed over the toy he’d stolen and listened to the lecture that the shopkeeper insisted on giving him, the embarrassment he felt was overwhelming.
Connor had never done anything like this before and of course, he knew it was wrong, but it just seemed so easy that he couldn’t resist. Although his mum was shocked and embarrassed herself she could see the effect this experience had had on her son. In the car on the way home, she calmly talked to him about what he’d done and it was her words that had the most impact.
Thinking back on that day, he knows that the humiliation he felt taught him a lesson, that and the way his mum had said that she was so disappointed in him. He hadn’t wanted to upset her and he certainly didn’t want anything like that to happen again. Especially after she told him some stories about when she was a kid and what had happened to one of her friends when she was caught doing the same thing.
What he remembers most though, is the fact that she didn’t even yell at him, she just spoke calmly and explained all the bad things that can happen to people who steal. He was so glad when she promised not to tell his dad. That would have been too much for him to bear. Of course, he had to promise never to do it again though. “I think you’ve suffered enough,” she had said, and he was so grateful to her for that. He knew he could trust his mum and he vowed that he’d never disappointed her like that again.
The Importance of Honesty
We all want our kids to grow up to be honest and responsible young adults, people whom we can rely on, trust in and be proud of. However, honesty is a value that we must instill from a young age and there are right and wrong ways to go about it.
It can be easy to make the mistake of confronting our kids and accusing them angrily and in a threatening manner when we feel that they’ve done something wrong and then expecting them to own up to it. When this is the case, it’s no wonder that they feel the need to lie. This need comes simply from their fear. The fact of the matter in this situation is that they’re scared, to tell the truth.
To prevent this problem from developing, it’s important that they feel safe and unafraid of your reaction. This way they can feel secure in being honest with you.
The important value of honesty can be encouraged by the following strategies. By implementing these consistently, you can teach your child that honesty is the best policy:
Tell Stories They Can Relate To
Share stories with your child right from the beginning that enforce and explain why honesty is the best way to deal with a problem.
‘The Boy Who Cried Wolf’ is an old favorite and one child can relate to and remember. Remind your child of this story if and when they are dishonest.
Be sure to share stories of your own experiences as a child or those of family members, friends, etc that demonstrate the consequences of telling lies and not being honest.
Discuss what would have been the best solution to each problem to avoid the consequences that were a result of the lies.
Whenever your child is dishonest, discuss with them what they should have done instead and the importance of telling the truth. Decide together on a suitable consequence and what they’ll do if the same thing ever happens again.
Discuss How Much You Value Honesty
From a very early age, it’s important to share with your children the fact that you need to be able to rely on each other, and to do that, it’s necessary, to be honest, and tell the truth, regardless of how hard this is to do. Explain how important it is to you that the whole family is honest with each other and to be able to trust one another. Be sure to make them aware of the effects of breaking that trust and how devastated you would be if that trust is ever broken.
Be a Good Role Model
It’s essential to model to your children the values that you want them to take on board. If you can’t be honest with them or with other people, then there’s no way that you can expect them to display honesty either. Children copy what they see and if they witness you telling others the truth about your actions and also sharing the truth with them, they’re more likely to reciprocate.
There may be times when sensitive issues arise that you wish to shelter your child from and if this is the case, it’s best to keep these to yourself rather than make up stories. You must take into consideration your child’s age and maturity level when sharing private details with them.
Also sometimes we all have to tell “white lies” to avoid hurting people’s feelings. This is a hard concept for young children to understand. When it does happen, quietly explain why you told a “white lie”. For example, you are invited to a party, and for some reason, you don’t want to go and you make up an excuse or someone asks you
Focus on Praising Honesty Rather than Harsh Consequences
Encourage honesty from your child by praising them for owning up to their mistakes. If you’re quick to punish and reprimand, then they’ll certainly be very reluctant to admit the truth in the future. This strategy will only encourage them to lie for fear of your reaction. If they can feel safe in telling you the facts, then they’ll be more likely, to be honest. Of course, there should be consequences, which must depend on each incident, but always tell your child how much you appreciate, respect, and value their honesty and praise them for it.
If they are honest and admit doing something wrong, make the consequence less severe than if they didn’t admit their mistake or tell a lie. Make sure you point this out, e.g. “Because you have admitted that you did this, your consequence is … and it is good that you told the truth because if you hadn’t then this would have happened.”
Your child needs to be able to trust in you! There will be times when they make mistakes and will need someone to support and guide them so that they can learn from their experience. By having faith that you’ll be there for them with advice and guidance rather than criticism and retribution, you’ll be able to develop a relationship of closeness and mutual trust where they’ll always feel they can be honest.
Conclusion
It would be a terrible situation to have your child suffer dire consequences and end up in a dangerous or frightening situation simply because they were too afraid to tell you the truth. Imagine if they needed your help and support and were too afraid to talk to you.
You as a parent can assist your child in developing the character traits and values of honesty and integrity, simply by being supportive and understanding. Stay consistent in your beliefs, but remember, no one is perfect and we all make mistakes.
FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)
- How can I encourage honesty in my child from a young age?
- Encouraging honesty in children starts with creating an environment where they feel safe and unafraid to tell the truth. Share stories and experiences that highlight the importance of honesty, model honesty yourself, and praise your child when they are honest, even if they’ve made a mistake. By consistently reinforcing the value of honesty and providing support rather than criticism, you can help your child develop a strong sense of integrity.
- What should I do if my child lies or is dishonest?
- If your child lies or is dishonest, it’s important to address the behavior calmly and constructively. Avoid reacting with anger or threats, as this can make children feel more inclined to lie out of fear. Instead, discuss with your child why honesty is important, what they should have done instead, and the consequences of their actions. Focus on praising honesty and providing guidance rather than harsh punishment, which can deter future honesty.
- How can storytelling help reinforce the value of honesty?
- Storytelling is a powerful tool for teaching children about honesty. Share stories with your child that illustrate the consequences of lying and the benefits of telling the truth, such as “The Boy Who Cried Wolf.” You can also share personal stories or anecdotes from family members or friends that demonstrate the importance of honesty. Discuss these stories with your child, emphasizing the positive outcomes of honesty and encouraging them to reflect on their actions.
